Am I doing the right thing?

I just got back like 2 hours ago. was at RSPC watching my bf played tournament. was on the phone when I got back and here I am. yes yes, I got back in the relationship. heheh. I knew the break up was real. I really tot I wouldnt get back in the relationship. explained why I refused to offer myself to go to RSPC instead just wished him luck by texting. I knew by meeting him would make me weak. when I decided to get back into the relationship, I must admit, I went confused. am I making a right decision? he's gonna be hurt, Im gonna be hurt. the way I see him just now, I know he has the same feeling. he's still angry of what happened but he still loves me. on my side, I just dont want him to hurt and I choosed to stay away. but why am I sacrificing myself on decisions that would still hurt him either way?

See, what happened was, I told my sister that he's ugly since my sister kept bugging me to tell more about him. not knowing the unexpected consequences, she then called her friends asking who the guy could be. then it got to my bf's ears. to tell the truth I dont mind the looks at all. what makes me said it because considering my sister can be very judgemental and easily critize people.

I know Im at fault, and I dont want him to be hurt no more. I choosed to let him go. anyway, clearly I failed to maintain my ambition. because I love him as much as he loves me. ahhh! I love this guy too much. so comel I feel like cubit him right now. (he's sleeping, I wish I can kacau him).

we went to kaeroke just now. he found his new hobby. hihi. the first time I heard he sings was in the car and Im like omg baby please stop! he cant sing. but in the kaeroke I was surprised he can actually sing! and then as usual I became jealous because I used to have angel's voice. haha what a word. but our night didnt end nicely we fought because he main2 sumpah. and he purposely made me mad because he was reminded about the past.

things ok now. and oh ya, I didnt go to class! I went to the classroom but class was cancelled. 100 words about my relationship and 5 words about my class ended my writings for today. goodnight. I dont know who I wished goodnight to since no one can read my blog neways. haha.

hari raya

feel like celebrating hari raya. cepat la rayaaa. my new ambitions start not on new years but hari raya. it has been that way for quite years.
fasting month where I'd be more calm and wishful where spiritual intelligence starts to make sense. when raya comes I feel grateful, relief and the new me starts to emerge. ahh its the feeling that could not be explained. I just love it.

jangan benci cinta

I dont know whats the time due to my laptop has not been switched on for nearly a month. Im too lazy to plug the wires and stuff. but I know its quite late n should be sleeping by now. Im in a relationship crisis. something that either I'll be self-fish and still want him because I really love him means keep hurting him or let him go. he's hurt. I should let him go. I know its not easy because I love him too much already. he's the nicest guy Ive been with. a bit ego but I like him :(
when we do sex, I just feel different. I can feel the love he let flows in me. but everything is just too much for both of us to handle. we put our relationship to the end last night. I didnt cry this time. I dont know why. maybe I keep telling myself be a grown up. take it like grown ups. this has to go means it got to go. or both gonna be more hurt. we both are so rebellious. sometimes when it feels so good we ignored the consequences. we're not rational thinkers. we both are too the same. does it bring good? yes in our own world but not in reality. should we care for reality? what people think about us rather than what we think about ourselves? I love effi. now Im crying