the more you know, you know there's more to know

Im in the process of learning to become a wise person. currently my head is in comfort and incubating zone. finished my final and lazing around reading motivational books. I lost my tony buzan's verbal intelligence but Im gonna buy the exact one again. I miss getting brain's workout. I miss exchanging ideas and expressing opinions. I need to straightened up my english too. I believe it has something to do with my confidence level. Tony buzan said, brains are truth-seeking mechanism. so true! like a baby. their favourite word is always been why? I need to know my purpose in life. what do I really want? marketing field where I exhale my creativity or financing job where I play with numbers. of course marketing is much more gusto and suits my brain! I always cheerish creativity since I was small. I love to be unique and doing rare things. but what am I kidding, all girls want to be rare. its our nature. BH. why do people look down on marketer rather than finance people? they made equal income. doesnt that what its all about? money and surviving? I guess higher education is conferred to get higher respect. the top of the pops deserve best comments despite acknowledging the kind of educations. but somehow you got to know whats not in the book. because books are created from whats happening on the outside. experiences and mistakes are wonderful. learning is boring. smart people learnt from their mistake. wise people learn from people's mistakes. wise people must has taken it with a feeling of boredom. just watch and nod. would you remember when the time comes? do you know whether it fits you? probaly thats why they are wise. we are human after all, even the wise cannot see all ends. people bound to make mistake. I believed in what I want so much, I neglected thinking of the consequences. sometimes its good to binge. I always wonder, does experience accelerate learning? I once agreed, but a case of 25 years old guy won highstake poker with a bunch of old folks of 30 years experiences in the game. I guess the young guns are smarter than the old folks. they are so caught up with traditional thinking. we on the other hand are provided with all advantages and the programmed ability to say no and why not? I guess thats it. Im going out with my girls. tataloo!

standing still

what have I done. I ruined a relationship of 2 innocent and madly in love people. I just feel like Im very mean and cold-hearted person. How did I get involved in this things. Im not this kind of person. never was.

I dont know what to do now. so is my bf. I think he's stuck with me as well. we accidently fall in love. which we shouldnt at the first place. we get ourselved into a course which never played by us before. and we got dragged by it. the result is he broke up with his gf for me. he did ask me "If I break up with her, I need to know do you really love me". and my sell-fishness got the best of me and I said YES! without thinking the consequences on her side. at first I never tot it would be that bad. but ever since my love to my bf is getting deeper, I learnt to become less a beast and more on "human being". I hate to see him sad. he made me realised how it really impact on his ex. she doesnt deserved this.

I guess this is the price I pay. its restless. and slowly effecting our relationship. to add things worse, I had history with his friend. which really a big burden for him to face. now when we're quite doesnt mean we're not talking. and all I see in his eyes are just sadness that couldnt be described by words. he knows its not fair for me. thats why he stayed. I dont know whether he is still loves me

a new start

wow. its been a while since my last post. been busy doing activities with my bf. it keeps my mind out of weed tho. now Im back on track with my studies. really have to keep the consistence. I like the new me. maybe I could be better if I had not burn with weed but Im more matured now. things tried and done. it was a painful path but went through it, experienced it and gone out of it. I walk with a liltle smile without carrying the past baggage to present, just the memory.
I hate when I failed 2 subjects last semester. but Im glad it happened. it was a wake up call before I'd go to extreme stages of deep rabbit hole.
well. thats about it.

p/s : my bf eagerly wants to know about my blog. hihi. he keeps on searching about it. so cute

High

For those who hasnt start smoking weed I urge u not to try. But as for me, I didnt get caught to it on my first try. Note this, getting to ultimate high is a bit difficult to achieve. you have to really know how to indulge the high to be addicted. And when you're high, you endure your problems to run wild into more complex situation but surprisingly providential. You feel like you're floating while daydreaming allowing yourself to idle whole day.

You talk less, because you think to much.
You dont tolerate, because you're happy.
You laugh, because you think into complexity
You work alone, because you have no confidence
You dont care about your bf, because the feeling is greater than love

Lights Will Guide Me Home

I just got into a relationship after been partying and single for quite a while. I must admit, he is different from my previous bf's. We dont have much in common but still we're in love. He's smart and drugs-free. I just hope that he will pull me out of drugs fully. I feel sorry for him. by the time he met me. I was a different person. I wish he could see me when Im at most cheerful person.

Because of that, I also tot that Im not comparable to be with him. because of I stoned I lose the sparks. its getting deemed. But I can still see the light

weed

Hi there. I know my blog is a bit depressing. to tell you the truth I remain myself anonymous because I will use this blog to express my feelings toward my addiction to drugs. one and only weed. I have 2 blogs. No one knows about the existing of this blog.

Reason for the selected title. Im different before I became stoner. cheerful and smart. Problem-free spirit is always attached to me. My ex-boyfriend is a stoner even before we met. I accepted the way he is without getting influenced on taking it. but after 2 1/2 years together, I failed to maintain my perception over weed. Im ecstasy user too, but very random. Back then, I dont see weed gives permanent damage physically and mentally. at one point I consumed weed daily.
During the early period of the drug abusing seems amazing to me. yes, my characteristic changed. more relax in deciding things. I talk less and accepting anti-social behaviour to grow in me. unconciously it pulled my confidence level to crash bottom. I was in the dark even before I knew it.

Now I feel alone eventhough I have my bf, friends and family around. I feel helpless although Im trying. I feel every sorrows were kept in me and when I talk I dont know whats the root of Im feeling like this. I want to cry but for what reason.

The after effect is painful.

Getting stoned is one of the way for me to be ignorant on my surroundings.